That’s Good Enough

I like to think of myself as approximately 93.75% boujee. I also like to think of myself as a pretty average wife and working mom. A mom who’s intelligent, likes to have nice things, who knows what she wants, speaks her mind, fights for what she believes in, spits nails when she’s angry and makes up for anything she lacks with sarcasm.

 I plan ahead, organize all the little details of our lives, set high expectations for myself and those around me and work hard to reach those goals. Sometimes I count calories, sometimes I’m praying my skinny jeans still fit! Fuck off Gen Z, I’ll be buried in my skinny jeans. I can be petty or forgiving, graceful or reckless and clumsy. My personality depends on the day, but you can be sure you’ll always get back what you give me. I can sass with the best of them, laugh with you or laugh at you, but I love hard and I always protect the ones I love fiercely.

Why am I telling you all this? I’ve always been told that I am a good writer and storyteller. I’m mildly funny, in a way that’s outrageously sarcastic and dramatic, so it kinda makes you laugh. Since I never STFU anyway, I thought I’d take a leap and start writing my thoughts down. I’ll be the one to say what we’re all thinking. I want to believe that many moms out there are going to relate. Relate to how some days we’re just getting through and getting by. The house is a wreck, you look like you’ve been dragged for 6 blocks by the trash truck, dishes are in the sink, clothes are left to mildew in the wash, oh and it’s dress like your favorite 90s sitcom character at school tomorrow. But then other days we are out here freaking nailing it. Healthy lunches with handwritten notes are packed the night before, you remembered to sign all the forms and the kids’ hair is neatly combed, as they carry your homemade cupcakes into the school bake sale. Oh, and the jersey your son needs for tonight is clean!

I always  find myself falling somewhere in between those two moms. The mom with her shit together and the mom who’s cursing and screaming in car line. The mom who created a 3-page, detailed vacation itinerary, with confirmation numbers, distance in miles and minutes between activities, and reservations for every day, but forgot to pack shampoo. And with 13 years of wife-ing and 9 years of mom-ing under my belt, I’m ok with that. I’m ok with looking at my life and saying…that’s good enough.

Sure, I could cut perfectly symmetric 9-inch ribbons, to perfectly curl and perfectly place on the perfectly wrapped birthday gift. The gift that we’re bringing to the 15th jungle gym party this month. But 93.75% of the time reality sets in and the gift bag that I’ve already reused four times and the dollar store bow that’s sitting in the bottom of my gift-wrapping bin are good enough.

Yea, I scroll through Pinterest, and I see the gorgeous, even-toned, earthy-neutral, aesthetically pleasing, living rooms-kitchens-master bedrooms-powder rooms and entry foyers. And I want that, too. I love the grandness and peacefulness of it all. Trim all the things in gold and I’m your girl! I love luxurious and over the top décor, so I start buying things. I start arranging my floating shelves again and again. But after the fourth time I’ve tried to perfectly place the coffee table books on the mantle and line the candles just right, so that they’re not blocking the TV, but they’re still even and my track lighting is perfectly directed so the gold shines even without the sunlight, I step back…I stop and I say, you know what…that’s good enough.

I have all these recipes saved in every app on my phone to make the perfect pot roast or the perfect whole chicken with Parmesan dusted vegetables that are so good “your kids will always ask for seconds.” So, I buy all the ingredients, I open up the recipe, I get started, and you know what? If I just throw the string beans in the air fryer, they’re still gonna taste good and since I’m probably the only one that’s actually going to be eating the damn things, that’s good enough.

Now, I am not NOT one of those overly feminist, girl boss, poor me, everything I do is unappreciated, I just need time for me, blah-blah-blah, sad and whiny women. We don’t ever play the victim around here. I’m proud to cook every meal. I’m happy to always be decorating, redecorating and rearranging the house because it makes me feel accomplished. I always want a new matching outfit for me and my daughter when we’re going to see a show on Broadway. I’m grateful for that. I know how hard my husband and I work every single day to be able to have those small luxuries, so you’re not gonna come on here and read about me saying poor me, the tired and overworked mom. I AM a tired, overworked mom, but that’s what I signed up for. That’s what I wanted when I was just 28 years old. We got married and we looked at each other, and we said yea, in a couple years we’ll have kids, and we’ll build this great life. Now, we’ve been together 18 years, married for 13, and I can look back and honestly say, I never thought our life would be this great. It’s beautiful and it’s fulfilling. It’s hard and it’s magical. It’s boujee and it’s a train wreck, and all at the same time, it’s good enough.

To me, good enough isn’t a shot at anyone. It’s not meant to be derogatory or a cop out. It’s not settling or giving up. Good enough doesn’t mean that there’s no room for improvement or growth. There is always room for more and for better. There’s room to be happier or sexier, to become a better cook, to pick up more design trends, to develop better skincare habits or to learn a 2nd language. There’s always room to be a better you and raise better kids. Never stop going, never stop learning, never stop trying to achieve your best, but babe, take a second. Take a breath, give yourself a break and be good enough. Live in the accomplishment of knowing that you’re good enough and that what you’ve done, the family you’ve built and all you’ve created is good enough. No one is going to get it right all the time, no one’s Christmas window is going to look perfect because a fucking set of lights is always gonna go out. We’re never gonna keep up with the Jones or the Kardashians. So, let’s just be good enough.

This whole idea of good enough came to me today, when I was wrapping a pair of sneakers for my husband’s birthday. He’s 39 and he’s my hero. He has the ability to irk my soul to its core, but he’s still my hero. I bought the sneakers three weeks ago, ahead of the game!  Look at me, here I am passing by Footlocker at the beginning of November, with the whole Thanksgiving hubbub, worrying about where we’re gonna eat. When am I gonna cook? Did I order the cannolis from Termini’s? I didn’t even start Christmas shopping yet. Oh shit! Pete’s birthday is the end of this month. Let me grab a pair of sneakers.  Got them, put them in a closet and forgot about them. So here I am wrapping the sneakers the day of. But I cut the wrapping paper too big so there’s overlap. It’s fine, it’s working on the long sides, but now I have to do the short sides. WTF. You know, where you have to fold it over and tuck it in and make it look all cute into that little V that flaps over the other V, so it’s all perfectly centered? Except it’s not perfectly centered. There’s too much paper, so it’s bulky and it’s poking out and getting on my nerves. I could start over. I have enough wrapping paper to cut another piece. I consider it. But I know my husband, and if his life depended on it, he would not notice that the wrapping paper was bulky, uneven and should be tucked tighter to the sneaker box, or that I cut a piece of wrapping paper that was too big. Now I’m standing in my kitchen, with the scotch tape stuck to itself and my fingers, I roll my eyes and scream out loud, “Oh my God, that’s good enough!”

If you’ve kept reading this far or you think you might be 93.75% boujee too, I hope you keep following along. I hope this helps you realize that the birthday present you’ve just wrapped in the parking lot of Family FunHouse is also good enough. I hope we can share stories and have some laughs along the way. I hope you know that no matter what, if it’s the best you’ve got…then it’s GOOD ENOUGH!

One more thing I think is important to mention, is that I only settle for my own good enough. I rarely, if ever, accept good enough from someone else. Is that hypocritical? Probably…but it’s also too bad. More on that later.  

Say your prayers, call your mom, thank a cop. XO